Back in the saddle again....

I've been pretty quiet for awhile now.  It was a hard spring with many ups and downs on our fertility journey.  Hard to talk about on its own, but I also have 2 big exams I'm writing this year, so I seem to spend all of my time in front of the computer studying these days.  (One test down in May, but then had to start all over again for the one in October.)

So, a quick update.  In March I went back to the fertility clinic to see doctor Havelock.  All of my tests looked okay, and with some prodding, Mr. finally did his. Of course, based on last year's pregnancy, we didn't expect any problems with his "contribution," but I guess it's good to check.  Because of my PCOS and long cycles, the doctor (as expected) prescribed me Clomid.  The first month was a little emotional. Even though we confirmed that I ovulated, I was over 5 days late.  You can imagine what I was thinking, but no go.  It was just a result of the drugs. Something it would have been nice to have known AHEAD OF TIME, but I guess you live and learn.

For May/June, I was exactly the opposite. Even when there were signs that I could very well be pregnant, I just kept reminding myself of all the months I'd had "signs" before and it turned out to be nothing.  I figured based on last month that  it could be a good 19 days before my period would be on its way.  And, of course, right around conception time we got so stressed out that we fought every time we were supposed to be "trying", so I didn't have a lot of reason to be hopeful. This was the first month ever that I waited the full 14 days before taking a test - but that might have been because we were out of the cheap ones.  Either way, with my sister in town for a visit and a potential weekend of drinking in front of us, I peed on the damn stick.  And started crying when 10 seconds later it already showed as positive!

Almost 8 weeks later, and I'm coming up on 12 weeks pregnant now.  We've been to an early ultrasound, and saw the heart beating (and confirmed one embryo and not two.) Because of last year's situation, we've decided to go straight for the amnio and skip over the screening tests.  I don't want to hear what the odds of there being an issue are - we just want to hear  a yes or a no. (Well, we just want to hear the no, of course.) 

I have an amazing psychiatrist who is helping me to work through the fear and leftover feelings from last time, but it's not easy to be as hopeful as everyone else around us seems to be.  The baby is due March 9th(ish), and I'm trying hard to imagine what  it will be like to meet our baby this time and get to take him or her home and experience the joy instead of more heartbreak. (He doesn't want to know the sex, so we're planning to find out the old fashioned way.)

Don't get me wrong.  I am extremely thankful. Every day I thank God for the miracle and the opportunity.  As well as the morning sickness, heartburn and exhaustion, since they are all part of the process. I try to focus on my positive energy and practice having faith. And patience.