So I haven't written for almost two weeks. After my last post, I spent the rest of the day feeling pretty subdued, and then the next day I was so happy it almost scared me. Since then I've been pretty normal, I guess. Get up, go to work, come home, make and eat dinner, watch some tv. I try to work out a bit every day, to eat well and to stay relatively calm. Some days I feel like nothing happened, and other days I feel like I'm just barely holding on. But, I am basically okay. Trying to stay positive and focusing on my health.
I worry that I haven't taken enough time for myself in all this. Work has been so crazy. Almost a year and a half I have the world's least stressful job that I love. Then at the same time the job becomes a little more than I feel I can normally handle, my life falls apart and it's almost unbearable. 6 weeks later, big bad project is pretty much done, and my emotional state also seems to be settling down. But, I just feel a little overly extended, and like I can't quite find my equilibrium. Meditation (or as close as I get these days) helps a lot. But, I don't think that I sleep enough - even when I try to, I still wake up after 6 hours. And time seems like it's moving in fast forward and I just can't seem to hit the pause button.
So this weekend I am going to try to strike a balance. On Saturday I will run errands and do chores and get stuff done around the house that I just haven't seemed to be able to get to (and that are starting to drive me a little crazy!) And then Sunday my lovely hubby and I are going to take the day off together. Just try to have a day where I don't think once about what we "should" be doing. We're going to go get lattes (hello red cups) and maybe hit a matinee - or stay in our pjs all day! Really doesn't matter, as long as I get to be completely irresponsible. Or, at least I can try - not sure I'm very good at it!
Then next week I am taking two well deserved days off and going to one of my favourite places on Earth (the Sunshine Coast) with my mom. Breathe in all of the lovely restorative energy there and just let go. Relax, write in my journal, watch movies and maybe get a pedicure. I'm not sure if it'll be enough, but I have no doubt that it will be a good start.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Mad as hell....
For most of the past week, I was pretty angry - and it was not pretty. I'm shocked at what the can take out of you physically. I felt like a wreck. Stressed and worn out. It all started Tuesday and by Thursday I felt pretty badly equipped to deal with anything, and at one point I burst into tears over almost nothing. At work. In front of my boss. It was horrifying. (Luckily, I have this amazing boss who has seen me cry about a hundred times in the past month and understands the bigger picture here. But this was bad because it was caused by frustration. And because he was what was frustrating me. Not professional at all.)
Lucky for me, I got my last EAP-paid counseling session this week, so we talked a bit about this whole anger thing and how to deal with it. If I use them, I learned some great tools in that one hour. Potentially life changing stuff, really. But I felt that this all-consuming rage was something I needed to look at more closely.
What started the fury was that a project that I have been working tirelessly on at work for the past month hit a glitch. Not anything that will be a problem in the long term, but something that looked like it was going to cause a lot of extra work and headaches for me in the short term. And of course, we're under a tight deadline for this project, so the short term was already looking overly busy. And, basically expectations I had of how I thought this was supposed to go were not being met, and no one but me seemed to care. Everyone else was quick to say "what you want can not be done" and keep going like it wasn't a big deal. I wasn't going to let go so easily.
I had a similar situation trying to make an appointment for dear old hubby to go into the bank and be added to my account. I was dealing with a very friendly person at the branch by work and he would be going into another branch. Somewhere in there wires got crossed and it took 3 days and numerous phone calls for us to even schedule an appiontment that was going to be another 4 days later. What I thought could be done by Tuesday wasn't accomplished till Saturday, and I was not impressed at all. Heck, by Wednesday night I was even sure the bus drivers were conspiring to keep me from getting home. And I when I finally go there, I had a complete meltdown cause I was so late that I was making dinner at 8:30 at night and missed my workout that day.
It was around that time, after 2 days of an almost all-consuming rage that I realized what I was really mad about. I'm sure it doesn't even take my 3/4 of a degree in psychology to figure out I'm mad about losing the baby. Especially not when every time I so much as think those words my eyes start to spill over before I'm done. I can see the parallels. In each case, I am working really hard trying to do everything right. And in each case, circumstances beyond my control take over, and I am left not getting what I had hoped for. And there is nothing I can do about it.
In the month since the loss, I have tried to move forward. I've cried when I need to cry and distracted myself with some harmless vices (this morning I achieved level 24 on Farmville.) I went back to work much too soon because of this project. I considered asking for an extention, but I could see the rest of the team working away and everything was starting to wait on me. And at the time I thought it would be something I could pour myself into. Except I have found it a bit harder than I expected. I've focussed on my health and hubby's with the hopes of ensuring we have the best chances possible of conceiving a healthy baby in the new year, when we're allowed to try again. I signed up for these 3 couselling sessions and talked to my friends and family about what we're going through. Numerous people have told me how well they think I'm handling it and how strong they think I am. My own mother was surprised. I've heard that grief goes in stages. And I wondered why I didn't notice going through many of them on the way to acceptance. I just thought I got off easy. I should have known better!
As much as I want to be strong and feel like I am coping with everyhing, I guess I have to acknowledge how angry I really am about this. How horribly unfair it all is. The double whammy of losing someone we wanted in our lives so badly and the fear that we might not be able to ever be parents. The fact that something that often comes unexpectedly to teenagers all over the globe can be so difficult or elusive for wonderful, caring adults who would make awesome parents (I'm not just talking about us here.) I'm angry that there was a little girl or boy who was so wanted by a loving family and never got to meet them or experience anything this world has to offer. That I never got to hold my baby and express all the love I feel. And that no matter what, there was nothing I can do or could have done to change that. And I am angry that all of the plans that we made have been put on hold. Andwhat little control we have about when and if they will ever be realized.
I try to be a happy, positive person. I know that I haven't always been that way. I have lived years of being pessimistic, hostile, stressed out and angry. And, I sincerely hope that those who have met me in the last 10 years would be surprised to hear that. This week has been a scary reminder of what that felt like. It was so horrible that I can't imagine I used to be be like that most of the time. I hope that by letting myself experience that it will help me to let go of some of this anger. And, I think the tools the couselor gave me will be very helpful. I also think that today I am going out to buy a punching bag. I've been thinking about it for a couple of weeks as a good way to work out at home, and right now I realize how badly I just want to kick the crap out of something.
Wishing everyone a peaceful day.
M.
Lucky for me, I got my last EAP-paid counseling session this week, so we talked a bit about this whole anger thing and how to deal with it. If I use them, I learned some great tools in that one hour. Potentially life changing stuff, really. But I felt that this all-consuming rage was something I needed to look at more closely.
What started the fury was that a project that I have been working tirelessly on at work for the past month hit a glitch. Not anything that will be a problem in the long term, but something that looked like it was going to cause a lot of extra work and headaches for me in the short term. And of course, we're under a tight deadline for this project, so the short term was already looking overly busy. And, basically expectations I had of how I thought this was supposed to go were not being met, and no one but me seemed to care. Everyone else was quick to say "what you want can not be done" and keep going like it wasn't a big deal. I wasn't going to let go so easily.
I had a similar situation trying to make an appointment for dear old hubby to go into the bank and be added to my account. I was dealing with a very friendly person at the branch by work and he would be going into another branch. Somewhere in there wires got crossed and it took 3 days and numerous phone calls for us to even schedule an appiontment that was going to be another 4 days later. What I thought could be done by Tuesday wasn't accomplished till Saturday, and I was not impressed at all. Heck, by Wednesday night I was even sure the bus drivers were conspiring to keep me from getting home. And I when I finally go there, I had a complete meltdown cause I was so late that I was making dinner at 8:30 at night and missed my workout that day.
It was around that time, after 2 days of an almost all-consuming rage that I realized what I was really mad about. I'm sure it doesn't even take my 3/4 of a degree in psychology to figure out I'm mad about losing the baby. Especially not when every time I so much as think those words my eyes start to spill over before I'm done. I can see the parallels. In each case, I am working really hard trying to do everything right. And in each case, circumstances beyond my control take over, and I am left not getting what I had hoped for. And there is nothing I can do about it.
In the month since the loss, I have tried to move forward. I've cried when I need to cry and distracted myself with some harmless vices (this morning I achieved level 24 on Farmville.) I went back to work much too soon because of this project. I considered asking for an extention, but I could see the rest of the team working away and everything was starting to wait on me. And at the time I thought it would be something I could pour myself into. Except I have found it a bit harder than I expected. I've focussed on my health and hubby's with the hopes of ensuring we have the best chances possible of conceiving a healthy baby in the new year, when we're allowed to try again. I signed up for these 3 couselling sessions and talked to my friends and family about what we're going through. Numerous people have told me how well they think I'm handling it and how strong they think I am. My own mother was surprised. I've heard that grief goes in stages. And I wondered why I didn't notice going through many of them on the way to acceptance. I just thought I got off easy. I should have known better!
As much as I want to be strong and feel like I am coping with everyhing, I guess I have to acknowledge how angry I really am about this. How horribly unfair it all is. The double whammy of losing someone we wanted in our lives so badly and the fear that we might not be able to ever be parents. The fact that something that often comes unexpectedly to teenagers all over the globe can be so difficult or elusive for wonderful, caring adults who would make awesome parents (I'm not just talking about us here.) I'm angry that there was a little girl or boy who was so wanted by a loving family and never got to meet them or experience anything this world has to offer. That I never got to hold my baby and express all the love I feel. And that no matter what, there was nothing I can do or could have done to change that. And I am angry that all of the plans that we made have been put on hold. Andwhat little control we have about when and if they will ever be realized.
I try to be a happy, positive person. I know that I haven't always been that way. I have lived years of being pessimistic, hostile, stressed out and angry. And, I sincerely hope that those who have met me in the last 10 years would be surprised to hear that. This week has been a scary reminder of what that felt like. It was so horrible that I can't imagine I used to be be like that most of the time. I hope that by letting myself experience that it will help me to let go of some of this anger. And, I think the tools the couselor gave me will be very helpful. I also think that today I am going out to buy a punching bag. I've been thinking about it for a couple of weeks as a good way to work out at home, and right now I realize how badly I just want to kick the crap out of something.
Wishing everyone a peaceful day.
M.
Sugar Cleanse is over!
I just want to follow up on the sugar cleanse we did this week.
The cleanse went okay. Tues and Wed I struggled a bit because I just didn't feel I was getting enough calories. Mid-way through the day Wednesday I had to run out and get a piece of fruit and a V8 cause I was in bad shape. My blood sugar felt like it had taken a nose dive into my toes. I checked with the woman who was supporting us through the cleanse, and she agreed that I shouldn't let myself get hungry because the point was to keep my blood sugar stable. So for the next 2 days I added some more veggies and sometimes an extra fruit, and that got me through.
I did not crave sugary things the whole thing - which is what the cleanse promises to do. A day later, I still haven't. Going into the cleanse, my one physical sugar "craving" was after lunch most days. I would finish eating and just feel like something was missing and that I wanted to run down and grab a chocolate or a pop (or both.) I've fought this by keeping one of my pieces of fruit until then, and that has done the trick - or I just ignore it and it goes away. But, I can say that I didn't really crave much on this cleanse.
I was headachey all week. But, I have to be honest that I've had some pretty consistent headaches since I went back to work since we lost the baby. At first I thought I was coming down with something. Then I thought maybe stopping eating sugar and dropping my caffeine intake. Now I think possibly my unsettled hormones and any underlying stress I'm carrying around. I had an acupuncture session on Wednesday, and that made the headache go away immediately - at least until I woke up the next morning.
I had a pretty miserable week this week. I was angry about 60% of the time - pretty furious in fact! And some people have indicated that this could in part be due to the cleanse. Either a) cause I was going without surgar or b) because releasing the toxins in my body released some emotional toxins as well. I will write more later about the anger, but I think maybe it was just part of the grieving process I'm going through - not sure if the clease just made that worse or not.
All in all, I would do it again. Although I hope that by maintaining a low GI diet, getting enough exercise and losing a few pounds that I won't have to. I am going to start building a cook book for myself of healthy recipes we like so that when I come home in a rush after work (as I always do) that I'm better equipped to make something that's fast and edible - and also good for us.
I know the big question is "how much weight did you lose" I think I did. However, my weight has been quite jumpy lately. Possibly also due to the erratic hormones? The week before I started the cleanse, my weight ranged from the weight I am now to up to 8 pounds higher. For 2 days it seemed like I was actually 2 pounds higher than I was when I was pregnant! Now it seems to have settled at the bottom of that range. Hopefully doing this will give my body the tools to process sugar well enough - and help me from eating much of it! - so that I can continue to lose weight in the upcoming weeks and months. And, I was able to get into my "skinny jeans" again, so I'm happy.
Best of health!
M.
The cleanse went okay. Tues and Wed I struggled a bit because I just didn't feel I was getting enough calories. Mid-way through the day Wednesday I had to run out and get a piece of fruit and a V8 cause I was in bad shape. My blood sugar felt like it had taken a nose dive into my toes. I checked with the woman who was supporting us through the cleanse, and she agreed that I shouldn't let myself get hungry because the point was to keep my blood sugar stable. So for the next 2 days I added some more veggies and sometimes an extra fruit, and that got me through.
I did not crave sugary things the whole thing - which is what the cleanse promises to do. A day later, I still haven't. Going into the cleanse, my one physical sugar "craving" was after lunch most days. I would finish eating and just feel like something was missing and that I wanted to run down and grab a chocolate or a pop (or both.) I've fought this by keeping one of my pieces of fruit until then, and that has done the trick - or I just ignore it and it goes away. But, I can say that I didn't really crave much on this cleanse.
I was headachey all week. But, I have to be honest that I've had some pretty consistent headaches since I went back to work since we lost the baby. At first I thought I was coming down with something. Then I thought maybe stopping eating sugar and dropping my caffeine intake. Now I think possibly my unsettled hormones and any underlying stress I'm carrying around. I had an acupuncture session on Wednesday, and that made the headache go away immediately - at least until I woke up the next morning.
I had a pretty miserable week this week. I was angry about 60% of the time - pretty furious in fact! And some people have indicated that this could in part be due to the cleanse. Either a) cause I was going without surgar or b) because releasing the toxins in my body released some emotional toxins as well. I will write more later about the anger, but I think maybe it was just part of the grieving process I'm going through - not sure if the clease just made that worse or not.
All in all, I would do it again. Although I hope that by maintaining a low GI diet, getting enough exercise and losing a few pounds that I won't have to. I am going to start building a cook book for myself of healthy recipes we like so that when I come home in a rush after work (as I always do) that I'm better equipped to make something that's fast and edible - and also good for us.
I know the big question is "how much weight did you lose" I think I did. However, my weight has been quite jumpy lately. Possibly also due to the erratic hormones? The week before I started the cleanse, my weight ranged from the weight I am now to up to 8 pounds higher. For 2 days it seemed like I was actually 2 pounds higher than I was when I was pregnant! Now it seems to have settled at the bottom of that range. Hopefully doing this will give my body the tools to process sugar well enough - and help me from eating much of it! - so that I can continue to lose weight in the upcoming weeks and months. And, I was able to get into my "skinny jeans" again, so I'm happy.
Best of health!
M.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Sugar Cleanse - Day One
Just a quick post today, as I'm hoping to get to bed early. I haven't slept enough for a few days and it's starting to take it's toll.
Mom and I started the Reset Cleanse today. So far, so good. It consists of 3 shakes, 2 bars, a piece of fruit and a veggie or two - and lots of water. There was a dvd to go with it, but I haven't actually watched it yet. You also take 2 fistfulls of minerals and antioxidants - one mid-morning and one with dinner. The shakes are filling and everything tastes ok. I can't say I was craving sugar at all today. Was pretty busy, so didn't really miss "eating" all that much. Can't imagine that 4 more days of this will be too hard. Think I might be craving protein by the end of it, though - after Yoga today I was dying for a hard boiled egg!
After the cleanse there is a weight-loss or maintenance program you can go on with 1-2 real meals as well as the meal replacements and snacks. I've been trying to reconcile how eating this way fits into the idea of eating healthy, nourishing, whole foods. As much nutrients as are in these shakes and bars and as well-balanced and low calorie and GI as they might be, they are still artificial, manufactured "foods." I just don't know if this would adequately teach me how to eat properly or if it's the best thing for me in the long run. And I was surprised to see the first ingredient in the shakes is fructose. However, if this program really can increase my insulin sensitivity and help me to manage my PCOS (and therefore give me shorter, more regular cycles so we have a better chance of conceiving), then shouldn't I consider it?
I'm off to see my doctor of TCM on Wednesday for the first time since we found out we conceived. I will see what he has to say about my eating, since I know nutrition is a key part of dealing with this syndrome. I'll bring in the packaging for the cleanse in so he can see what's in it. If he thinks it could be helpful, then I will consider doing a shake and/or a bar every morning and two real meals. But, if I can learn to do the same thing using actual food, then I think I should try to do that - even if it is more work. I'm sure it'll be more sustainable over the long term - and probably much more satisfying.
I will continue to update on how I'm doing on this cleanse for the rest of the week. Biggest thing I've noticed today is how much I'm having to pee. Oh, and I was hungry by dinner time, but that's probably cause I didn't eat until almost 8 so I could go to yoga after work.
Okay - now it's bed time.
Sweet dream,
M.
Mom and I started the Reset Cleanse today. So far, so good. It consists of 3 shakes, 2 bars, a piece of fruit and a veggie or two - and lots of water. There was a dvd to go with it, but I haven't actually watched it yet. You also take 2 fistfulls of minerals and antioxidants - one mid-morning and one with dinner. The shakes are filling and everything tastes ok. I can't say I was craving sugar at all today. Was pretty busy, so didn't really miss "eating" all that much. Can't imagine that 4 more days of this will be too hard. Think I might be craving protein by the end of it, though - after Yoga today I was dying for a hard boiled egg!
After the cleanse there is a weight-loss or maintenance program you can go on with 1-2 real meals as well as the meal replacements and snacks. I've been trying to reconcile how eating this way fits into the idea of eating healthy, nourishing, whole foods. As much nutrients as are in these shakes and bars and as well-balanced and low calorie and GI as they might be, they are still artificial, manufactured "foods." I just don't know if this would adequately teach me how to eat properly or if it's the best thing for me in the long run. And I was surprised to see the first ingredient in the shakes is fructose. However, if this program really can increase my insulin sensitivity and help me to manage my PCOS (and therefore give me shorter, more regular cycles so we have a better chance of conceiving), then shouldn't I consider it?
I'm off to see my doctor of TCM on Wednesday for the first time since we found out we conceived. I will see what he has to say about my eating, since I know nutrition is a key part of dealing with this syndrome. I'll bring in the packaging for the cleanse in so he can see what's in it. If he thinks it could be helpful, then I will consider doing a shake and/or a bar every morning and two real meals. But, if I can learn to do the same thing using actual food, then I think I should try to do that - even if it is more work. I'm sure it'll be more sustainable over the long term - and probably much more satisfying.
I will continue to update on how I'm doing on this cleanse for the rest of the week. Biggest thing I've noticed today is how much I'm having to pee. Oh, and I was hungry by dinner time, but that's probably cause I didn't eat until almost 8 so I could go to yoga after work.
Okay - now it's bed time.
Sweet dream,
M.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
I'm sweet enough already
Last June I started a new job downtown, and it was a turning point for me in many ways. One of the things that changed for me was that I became a lot less stressed. I stopped trying to do so much and started trusting in my own competence to help me get ahead. I started walking and reading a lot more. And resident caveman and I started getting along better.
On a whim, I went in to see a Naturopath. My old benefits were ending, and I'd always been curious about what they do. I joked going in that he would probably take everything white out of my diet, since I'd heard similar stories from my friends who have seen them. He didn't - the first visit. But, he did believe that he could help me improve my health, my weight and my fertility. Of course, by the second visit he did suggest an eating plan for me. At the time, I was surprised that not only did he recommend I lay off the sugar and flour, but he also strongly suggested I get rid of the artificial sweeteners as well. When I think about it now it totally makes sense, but it was different from how I'd been trying to "eat well" for years. Life without Diet Dr Pepper - I couldn't imagine it! There were a couple of other surprises as well - like no milk, no soy, and no cauliflower (they really do have something against white foods, don't they?)
The biggest shock was that I adopted this eating plan that day. Even though I already had a lunch packed and groceries in my fridge and even though part of me could not believe I was doing it, I jumped right on board. That summer I lost about 18 pounds - and I can count the number of diet pops I've had in the past 15 months on one hand. It got to the point where I would get headaches when I did eat sugar.
Although I didn't fully understand the methods he used to measure it, the doctor was happy with the changes he saw in my ability to process sugar. Which was great for me, as I already knew that PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) involves issues with Insulin resistance, and any improvements I could make in that area would only help. Especially when all of my doctors so far had been quick to recommend losing weight as a way to manage the PCOS issue, completely ignoring the fact that the PCOS itself makes it harder to lose weight in the first place - a fun Catch 22.
Since last summer, my relationship with sweets has been up and down. I distinctly remember falling off the wagon last Halloween, and I don't think I ate anything in December unless it was from the cookie food gr0up. Our beautiful summer brought trips out for gelato and Dairy Queen. And the more sweet things I ate, the more I seemed to crave them. Funny that I can now drink green tea or a latte without any sweetener at all, but the lovely foods that have sugar as their main ingredient seem so appealing! And, at the same time I have noticed recently that all of these foods have started to taste too sweet to me. It's like I still think I want these foods cause I remember liking them so much, but in reality I'm beginning to feel an aversion to them.
I found I craved a lot of carbs during the first trimester of my pregnancy, and was just getting back to eating better when we got the bad news about the baby. For a few weeks there I was feeling down and pretty much eating whatever the heck I wanted. But, now that I'm focusing towards taking better care of myself and getting pregnant again, I'm trying again to do a "sugar detox". I'm eating flourless bread (much easier to find that I would have thought) and healthy grains like brown sugar and quinoa. The only sweetener I'm using (sparingly) is agave nectar (which seems just like honey but without the blood sugar spike) and I'm eating tons of veggies, whole foods and plant-based proteins. I try to make sure I have some protein every time I have a carb, too. I'm taking information from a few great sources right now and trying to make the best choices I can. Of course, getting my caveman on board isn't as easy, but taking small steps and trying not to scare him too much. (And of course, I did enjoy some pumpkin pie over Thanksgiving.)
Next week my mom and I are doing a cleanse which is supposed to help reset our bodies' sugar mechanisms. I'll update about that next week, but I think that it will help. It's even supposed to get rid of the cravings - although I think they only mean the physical ones. I am also going to experiment in the kitchen and find new ways to make things that I love that are better for us. Seeing the difference in my body when I'm eating sugar compared to when I'm not is enough to get my attention. For example, being a Cookie Monster in December last year lengthened my cycle to 3 months long. I'd been seeing improvement after months of TCM and Acupuncture, and it felt like all that work was undone in a couple of weeks and I had to start over. And, once I did get pregnant, our midwife was concerned that I could be at risk for gestational diabetes.
So, for now I will try to remember that I am sweet enough. And that there are things in life more important than cookies and ice cream.
Have a happy, healthy day!
M.
On a whim, I went in to see a Naturopath. My old benefits were ending, and I'd always been curious about what they do. I joked going in that he would probably take everything white out of my diet, since I'd heard similar stories from my friends who have seen them. He didn't - the first visit. But, he did believe that he could help me improve my health, my weight and my fertility. Of course, by the second visit he did suggest an eating plan for me. At the time, I was surprised that not only did he recommend I lay off the sugar and flour, but he also strongly suggested I get rid of the artificial sweeteners as well. When I think about it now it totally makes sense, but it was different from how I'd been trying to "eat well" for years. Life without Diet Dr Pepper - I couldn't imagine it! There were a couple of other surprises as well - like no milk, no soy, and no cauliflower (they really do have something against white foods, don't they?)
The biggest shock was that I adopted this eating plan that day. Even though I already had a lunch packed and groceries in my fridge and even though part of me could not believe I was doing it, I jumped right on board. That summer I lost about 18 pounds - and I can count the number of diet pops I've had in the past 15 months on one hand. It got to the point where I would get headaches when I did eat sugar.
Although I didn't fully understand the methods he used to measure it, the doctor was happy with the changes he saw in my ability to process sugar. Which was great for me, as I already knew that PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) involves issues with Insulin resistance, and any improvements I could make in that area would only help. Especially when all of my doctors so far had been quick to recommend losing weight as a way to manage the PCOS issue, completely ignoring the fact that the PCOS itself makes it harder to lose weight in the first place - a fun Catch 22.
Since last summer, my relationship with sweets has been up and down. I distinctly remember falling off the wagon last Halloween, and I don't think I ate anything in December unless it was from the cookie food gr0up. Our beautiful summer brought trips out for gelato and Dairy Queen. And the more sweet things I ate, the more I seemed to crave them. Funny that I can now drink green tea or a latte without any sweetener at all, but the lovely foods that have sugar as their main ingredient seem so appealing! And, at the same time I have noticed recently that all of these foods have started to taste too sweet to me. It's like I still think I want these foods cause I remember liking them so much, but in reality I'm beginning to feel an aversion to them.
I found I craved a lot of carbs during the first trimester of my pregnancy, and was just getting back to eating better when we got the bad news about the baby. For a few weeks there I was feeling down and pretty much eating whatever the heck I wanted. But, now that I'm focusing towards taking better care of myself and getting pregnant again, I'm trying again to do a "sugar detox". I'm eating flourless bread (much easier to find that I would have thought) and healthy grains like brown sugar and quinoa. The only sweetener I'm using (sparingly) is agave nectar (which seems just like honey but without the blood sugar spike) and I'm eating tons of veggies, whole foods and plant-based proteins. I try to make sure I have some protein every time I have a carb, too. I'm taking information from a few great sources right now and trying to make the best choices I can. Of course, getting my caveman on board isn't as easy, but taking small steps and trying not to scare him too much. (And of course, I did enjoy some pumpkin pie over Thanksgiving.)
Next week my mom and I are doing a cleanse which is supposed to help reset our bodies' sugar mechanisms. I'll update about that next week, but I think that it will help. It's even supposed to get rid of the cravings - although I think they only mean the physical ones. I am also going to experiment in the kitchen and find new ways to make things that I love that are better for us. Seeing the difference in my body when I'm eating sugar compared to when I'm not is enough to get my attention. For example, being a Cookie Monster in December last year lengthened my cycle to 3 months long. I'd been seeing improvement after months of TCM and Acupuncture, and it felt like all that work was undone in a couple of weeks and I had to start over. And, once I did get pregnant, our midwife was concerned that I could be at risk for gestational diabetes.
So, for now I will try to remember that I am sweet enough. And that there are things in life more important than cookies and ice cream.
Have a happy, healthy day!
M.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
First Post
For a few months now, I've talked about trying out this blogging thing. Life has certainly given me a lot to write about in that time! Today I was talking to a friend who finally said that I just had to get started. So, having barely ever even read any blog posts, here I go.
So, I guess I should start with who I am. From the blog name you can probably guess two things - my name is Michelle, and I lack a bit in creativity. I'm 37 and married with two cat and no kids (yet.) My husband and I are both pretty geeky around the edge (our cats are named after hobbits, for example.) We've been married for 3 years, have been together for 6 - and have known each other for about 19! He was my "college sweetheart" and is now my partner in life. Funny the way life works out sometimes.
For about a year now, we've been trying to start a family. I've got PCOS, so we knew that it might be a bit harder for us to conceive. In the time, I've seen a naturopath and a doctor of TCM, practiced meditation and yoga. I've tried to improve my eating habits, to sleep enough and to decrease the stress in my life. I certainly am no expert, but I feel like I have learned alot of making babies in the past 15 months! I never felt like I did anything quite as well as perscribed, but I did clean up my act quite a bit. And this June we were thrilled to find out we conceived. Tragically, at 17 weeks we found out that the baby was very sick, and we had to terminate the pregnancy. Of course, we were devastated. But I believe in optimism, and we're also trying to stay hopeful.
Right now, we're taking a break while we recover physically and emotionally from this pregnancy and our loss. It's October now and the doctors say we need to wait 3 months, so we can start trying again in the New Year. (Fingers crossed that 3 cycles doesn't take much longer than 3 months!!)
In the meantime, trying to improve our health and lose the weight I gained while I was pregnant. Get back to doing those things that helped us to conceive the first time. And, in the meantime I thought I would write about the crazy journey that we're taking. The ups and the downs (figuratively, that is! This is a family establishment.....) And maybe whatever else happens to cross my mind.
So, thanks for reading.
M.
So, I guess I should start with who I am. From the blog name you can probably guess two things - my name is Michelle, and I lack a bit in creativity. I'm 37 and married with two cat and no kids (yet.) My husband and I are both pretty geeky around the edge (our cats are named after hobbits, for example.) We've been married for 3 years, have been together for 6 - and have known each other for about 19! He was my "college sweetheart" and is now my partner in life. Funny the way life works out sometimes.
For about a year now, we've been trying to start a family. I've got PCOS, so we knew that it might be a bit harder for us to conceive. In the time, I've seen a naturopath and a doctor of TCM, practiced meditation and yoga. I've tried to improve my eating habits, to sleep enough and to decrease the stress in my life. I certainly am no expert, but I feel like I have learned alot of making babies in the past 15 months! I never felt like I did anything quite as well as perscribed, but I did clean up my act quite a bit. And this June we were thrilled to find out we conceived. Tragically, at 17 weeks we found out that the baby was very sick, and we had to terminate the pregnancy. Of course, we were devastated. But I believe in optimism, and we're also trying to stay hopeful.
Right now, we're taking a break while we recover physically and emotionally from this pregnancy and our loss. It's October now and the doctors say we need to wait 3 months, so we can start trying again in the New Year. (Fingers crossed that 3 cycles doesn't take much longer than 3 months!!)
In the meantime, trying to improve our health and lose the weight I gained while I was pregnant. Get back to doing those things that helped us to conceive the first time. And, in the meantime I thought I would write about the crazy journey that we're taking. The ups and the downs (figuratively, that is! This is a family establishment.....) And maybe whatever else happens to cross my mind.
So, thanks for reading.
M.
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